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Streaming through the large stained-glass windows the whim of the jeweller's wife who had vanished without a trace was an extraordinary light, similar to the light in a church.

Wood was burning in the huge old-fashioned fireplace despite the hot spring day. Yet it was not the least bit hot in the room; in fact, quite the opposite.

A cellarlike dampness enveloped the man entering the room. Sitting on a tiger skin in front of the fireplace was a huge black cat, squinting contentedly at the fire.

There was a table that made the God-fearing bartender shudder when he saw it: the table was covered with a brocaded altar cloth.

Amidst the bottles a plate gleamed, and it was immediately obvious that the plate was made of pure gold. By the fireplace a short redheaded man with a knife in his belt was roasting pieces of meat skewered on a long steel sword, and the juice from the meat dripped in the fire, and the smoke went up the chimney.

It smelled not only of roast meat, but of very strong perfume and incense, which made the bartender, who had learned of Berlioz's death and his place of residence from the newspapers, wonder if they weren't performing some kind of requiem mass for him.

However, that notion was so preposterous that he dismissed it out of hand. There in the shadows was the one whom the bartender needed to see. The black magician lay sprawled on an immense couch that was low to the floor and strewn with pillows.

It seemed to the bartender that the artiste was wearing nothing but black underwear and black pointed slippers.

Not another word! Not in any circumstances, never! I wouldn't put a thing from that buffet of yours into my mouth!

I, most venerable sir, passed your counter yesterday, and I still can't forget the sturgeon and the brynza cheese. My good man! Brynza isn't supposed to be green, someone must have deceived you.

It's supposed to be white. And that tea? It's dishwater! With my own eyes I saw some sloppy girl pour unboiled water out of a pail into your huge samovar, yet they continued pouring tea from it anyway.

No, my dear fellow, that's not the way to do things. And if the sturgeon's second-grade fresh, that means it's rotten! If my memory doesn't deceive me, I've known only one other person in your line of work, and that was a lady sutler, but that was long before you were even born.

However, I'm glad you've come. A stool for the bar manager. The one roasting the meat turned around, terrifying the bartender with his fangs, and deftly handed him one of the low, dark oak stools.

There was nothing else in the room to sit on. The bartender let out a groan and hit his rump painfully against the floor.

As he fell, his leg upset another stool nearby, spilling a full glass of red wine all over his trousers.

The artiste exclaimed, "Oops! Did you hurt yourself? Azazello helped the bartender get up and offered him another seat.

In a grief-stricken voice the bartender refused his host's suggestion that he remove his trousers and dry them in front of the fire.

Feeling extremely uncomfortable in his wet underwear and clothes, he sat down gingerly on the other stool. Now then, we were talking about the sturgeon, were we not?

My dear fellow! Freshness, freshness, and more freshness-that should be every buffet manager's motto. Yes, well, wouldn't you like to have a taste Here, in the crimson glow of the fireplace a sword flashed in front of the bartender, and Azazello put a sizzling piece of meat on a gold platter.

He sprinkled it with lemon juice and handed the bartender a two-pronged gold fork. Out of politeness the bartender put a piece in his mouth and realized immediately that he was eating something that was truly very fresh and, what's more, unusually tasty.

But even so, as the bartender chewed the fragrant, succulent meat, he almost choked and fell a second time. A large dark bird flew in from the adjoining room, softly brushing its wing against the bartender's bald head.

Alighting on the mantelpiece, next to the clock, it turned out to be an owl. Which imported wine do you prefer at this hour?

How about a game of dice? Or do you like some other games? People like that are either seriously ill or they secretly disdain their fellow men. True, there are exceptions.

Among those who have feasted with me there have sometimes been extraordinary cads! And so, tell me what brings you here.

That isn't my sort of thing! My dear man! I'll tell you a secret: I'm not a stage performer at all. I just wanted to see the citizens of Moscow en masse, and the easiest way to do it was in a theater.

So my retinue here," he nodded at the cat, "arranged the performance, while I merely sat and watched the Muscovites. But don't look like that.

Just tell me what it was about the performance that brought you here. And a young man comes up to me at the bar and gives me a ten-ruble bill, and I give him eight-fifty in change Then someone else Then a third came, a fourth I give them all change.

And today when I went to check the cash register, I look and what do I see but strips of paper instead of money. The bar was a hundred and nine rubles short.

I can't believe they did it on purpose. The bartender looked around wryly and miserably, but said nothing. The bartender smiled so bitterly in reply that no doubts remained: there were indeed swindlers in Moscow!

The bartender drew his head into his shoulders, so that it would become obvious that he was a poor man. Although the question was asked sympathetically, it was impossible not to view a question like that as indelicate.

The bartender squirmed. The bartender seemed to be riveted to his stool. When will you die? Here the bartender became indignant.

He'll die in nine months, that is, next February, from cancer of the liver, in the First Moscow State University Clinic, Ward No.

The bartender's face turned yellow. In round numbers that comes out to 27, a month, isn't that right? Not a lot, but enough if one lives modestly And there's still the gold rubles Wouldn't it be better to spend the twenty-seven thousand on a banquet, then, after taking poison, depart for the other world to the sound of violins, surrounded by intoxicated beautiful women and dashing friends?

His eyes had dark circles around them, his cheeks drooped, and his lower jaw sagged. Show me your strips of paper. Shaken, the bartender pulled a package out of his pocket, untied it and froze.

Wrapped in the newspaper were ten-ruble bills. The bartender got up from the stool, a strange smile on his face.

By all means! Happy to have made your acquaintance. Here Korovyov popped out of the study, grabbed the bartender's hand and started shaking it, begging Andrei Fokich to give everyone, everyone his regards.

Completely befuddled, the bartender headed for the entrance hall. Again the naked redhead appeared in the hall!

The bartender squeezed through the door, squeaked out a "good-bye," and staggered on his way like a drunk. After going down a few steps, he stopped and sat down on the stairs.

He pulled out the package to check the contents: the ten-ruble bills were still there. S Läbe isch natürlich nit eifach so easy und glatt mängmol goht bärguff und mängmol gohts bärgab jede Mensch het Höhepünkt und au sinsi Tief und mängmol do goht eim wirklig alles schief.

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Das Lied, dass mich seit Jahren begleitet und mich immer wieder zum Nachdenken bewegt. Ich wünschte mir mein Vater wäre nicht den Drogen verfallen und hätte mich kennenlernen dürfen als Kind, Mädchen und Frau.

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